It is often easy to avoid discussing a difficult or sensitive topic with our kids because we think they might be harmed or traumatized by such discussion; or otherwise be unable to handle discussions of such nature. But I think we should all realize that kids are actually quite resilient, and failure to recognize and honor this is actually somewhat insulting to them, as well as counterproductive to the goal of making them ready to handle the real world and life as an adult eventually.
Crime
Sanford Strong, in his book Strong on Defense, advocates discussing violent crime and what to do in response to such crime, with kids as young as four years old. He points out that it is more likely the parents who would be traumatized by discussing this topic with their kids, rather than the kids themselves. He further states that kids can handle this discussion well as long as the parents speak about the harsh topic in a calm and steady manner.
Sensitive Topics – General
And I think this can apply to other sensitive topics that we, as parents, must discuss with our kids at some point anyway. Better that they hear the full truth from us, first, rather than partial truths or outright lies and misinformation via rumors and “word on the street.” Especially with the modern internet and social media, there is so much out there that kids will read, hear, and see anyway, regardless of when we choose to discuss sensitive topics with them. We might as well be upfront and give them the unvarnished truth and encouragement to make the right choices, before they get misinformation and encouragement to make the wrong choices from disreputable sources.
Sex
I recall we had sex education in middle school. But I had already heard of sex before that class, and I’m sure a lot of other parents can relate. Isn’t it better that we parents tell kids the full unvarnished truth first, along with giving them encouragement about being wise and responsible with their sexual choices? Especially when such choices can have lifelong consequences e.g. unplanned pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease?
Drugs
Similarly, we shouldn’t be afraid to talk to our kids about drugs. My toddler is only three years old, but my wife and I have already cautioned him never to take medicines other than what the doctor gives him, or what we give him via doctor’s prescription. If we delude ourselves into thinking drug dealers won’t target someone until they are at least 10 years old, the drug dealers will get smart and start dealing to 9 year old kids and younger.
Concluding Thoughts
There is a line from the introduction of the book Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card, in which Mr. Card states that his book may seem controversial to some educators because it asserts the personhood of children. In the same vein, we might as well be honest with kids, and treat them with enough respect to discuss difficult truths with them, in the hopes that they will rise to the level of expectation we put before them, rather than passing it off as “oh, they’re just kids, we shouldn’t talk seriously with them.”
Similar to what I wrote in another blog post, a former police officer once told me “Real evil does exist in this world.” Let’s make sure we prepare our kids to avoid the evil if possible, but face it down and even fight against it when necessary.