Fun historical note – in feudal Japan, samurai families would send children to deliver messages on long journeys, alone. They felt this would teach the children to develop courage. Now, given the current state of the world, I’m not gonna send my little boy anywhere on his own just yet, but I do find this an interesting attitude about teaching children courage.
As parents, it’s natural that we want to protect our kids. I study self-defense so that 1) I can protect myself 2) I can protect my family (wife and son) and 3) I can teach others how to protect themselves and their loved ones. But we must straddle a fine line, and not be too overprotective of our kids. They must eventually learn to stand on their own two feet, and face the world with courage and conviction.
I recall that when I was a kid in Boy Scouts, I started going camping for the first time in my life. Some relatives complained to my mother “he’s your young son, how can you let him do something potentially dangerous like going camping out in the woods?” She replied “if I DON’T let him go out camping, he will never grow into a man.”
Now, we should definitely put some safety rails in place. There is a tale of a young girl, taking a train ride for the first time. As her parents bid her farewell, they placed a note in her pocket and said “if you get scared, read the note.” The little girl started the train ride, and indeed at some point, being all alone, she did get scared. She read the note, and it stated “We’re sitting in the last car behind you.”
But the sense of being on their own must be presented to kids for them to learn how to function on their own in the real world. The military has what they call a full-mission profile. It is an exercise that is presented to the soldiers as an actual mission, the soldiers do not know in advance that it is only an exercise. After the fact, the soldiers are told that it was only a training exercise. This sense of realism makes for good training that will prepare the soldiers for actual missions.
A student might be brilliant in math or science, but without the courage to speak up and tell the world about his great discovery, the world will never benefit from his brilliance. A young lady may be a phenomenal writer, but without the courage to look a person in the eye during an interview, she might never land that great writing or editing job that she is destined for.
The US Army Special Forces Creed includes the line “I will never surrender.” The US Army Ranger Creed talks about recognizing and accepting the hazards of the profession, and showing the intestinal fortitude to accomplish a mission despite being the lone survivor. From p. 95 of Brotherhood of Warriors by Aaron Cohen, “People assume that to stand out in Special Forces training you must be a physical beast, but honesty and integrity are actually the two most important qualities the instructors look for…Did you have the integrity and backbone to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with your brothers no matter what the risks?”
Courage enables us to act with integrity. Years of peace are almost always later known as the “interwar years.” I recall a Navy EOD (Explosive Ordnance Disposal aka bomb squad) veteran once telling me that “if you’re patient, there will be another war.”
I’ve seen it written that as we get into old age, we seldom regret the things we did, but rather the things that we failed to do. Courage prompts a person to do those things they are passionate about, that they know are righteous and honorable, helping to forestall such regrets.
Aristotle taught us that “without courage, a person may not stand up for justice, seek wisdom, or act with integrity” (quote provided by ChatGPT). Courage is our primary weapon, shield, and tool that allows us to act righteously in a world with too much evil and too many mercenary scum who would sell out their own mother for a little bit of cash profit.
Someday, will your child have the courage not to cheat on an exam, despite being desperate to get a good grade? Or if he does cheat, will he have the courage to admit it? As an adult, if his boss orders your son to do or say something dishonest, will he have the courage to resign rather than follow that order?
What do you think? How can we best teach our children courage? Leave a comment below. Thanks.